Title: The Barista- 16- Walk in the Park
Category: Drabble, *Major* Humor
Season: Season 2
Rating: PG

A/N: Be forewarned! The following is damn funny and I will not be help responsible if you get in trouble while reading this at work. 'Nuff said.

It's the third week of November and here I am currently running in circles around Memorial Park. Somehow I don't think I'm living up to my IQ potential here. How the hell was I talked into a Thanksgiving 10K run, I'll never know. I mean, it isn't like we're living in California or something here. November 6th in Colorado Springs is freakin' cold!

So why don't I stop?

Because I'm vain. Vain, vain, vain. I said I'd run this 10k and I'll be damned if I'm going to back out because it's cold enough to... Put it this way, if I wasn't wearing a polypro turtleneck and 200-weight fleece vest, the whole world would be able to see just how bloody cold it really is. On the plus side, I'm currently being highly entertained.

My friend knows how much I don't like to run. Or rather, how inexperienced I am at running (her words, not mine). And so she made me a CD. A very, very amusing CD. I started the run with the theme song from the television show Wonder Woman, moved on to some Shaun Cassidy and Fleetwood Mac, and am now listening to the final strains of Jimmy Buffet and Gonzo (of the Muppets) singing 'Spaceman'. If you gotta run, doing so while laughing is the way to go.

I make the decision that whatever song comes up next that will be my final 2-4 minutes of the day- I'm wiped. I think I've gone about 5 miles. I round the SW corner of the park and eye a fountain a good 400 meters away. That will be my new official ending point.

I had just started pushing myself (it was my final 1/4 mile after all) when the next song comes on. I have to force myself to continue running and not stop in order to laugh up a lung. What's playing you ask? Oh that would be the theme song to Rocky. A rather fitting conclusion wouldn't you say?

I pour everything I have into those final 200 meters. I feel like my lungs are about to burst and I doubt my legs have EVER moved that fast in their entire life, but the song just eggs me on. Faster and faster I run until I am certain the entire park must be staring at me in utter disbelief. I tag the edge of the fountain, pull off my headphones and crumple to the ground gasping and wheezing. It is several seconds later before I hear the clapping.


"Way to go Kira!" Daniel?

"Ms. Meyers, are you certain you don't want to try a career in the military? We can use athletic people like you." Colonel Jack?

"God Jack, don't scare the poor girl."

"What's wrong with the military Daniel? And careful what you answer, I'm not above ratting you out to Carter."

"Nothing's wrong with the military Jack.." Daniel pauses for a moment, thinking. "Actually there are a lot of things wrong with the military, but that's not the point here. I think if Kira wanted to enroll.."


"Enlist, she'd have already done so."

"Not too late though," Jack says. "For Kira that is," he clarifies. "You're nearly too old."

"Thanks Jack."

I finally get my asthmatic sounding breathing under control and lift my face up from its resting place against my knees.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask. It is just way too weird seeing Daniel out of his natural coffee habitat. Both Jack and Daniel are dressed in jeans, but Daniel has a thick REI coat on over a sweater of some sort while Jack looks to be wearing an old army jacket. He has a baseball cap on that says ' Snakes Suck'. I find myself chuckling.

"What are you laughing at?" Daniel asks, as he offers me a hand up.

"Jack's baseball cap," I reply.

"See? I told you it was funny!" I turn around to see a teenage girl dressed in dark blue overalls. Wonder who she is?

"Hello." I say to the young teenage girl standing beside Colonel Jack.

"Hi," she replies somewhat shyly in return.

"Kira, this is Cassie," Colonel Jack says, introducing me to the slim brown haired girl next to him. Whoa. Jack has a kid?!

"Cass, this is our friend Kira."

"You have friends outside of the SGC?" Cassie asks Jack cheekily. Definitely sounds like she could be related.

"I, too have wondered the same thing Cassandra Fraiser." I scarcely have time to absorb the fact that Cassie is not Jack's daughter (or if she is, she took her mom's name) before my eyes widen in surprise at the sight of the large black man standing before me. He has to be at least 6'4 and he's built like a line backer! He's wearing a funny looking hat as well. It's one of those handmade winter caps with a big purple and white pompom on the top. Not the sort of thing you'd expect to see on a guy his size. He doesn't seem to find it odd though.

"And this is..." Jack pauses as he opens his mouth only to close it again with an audible click. He frowns, temporarily drawing a blank on his friend's name.

"Murray," Daniel says emphatically. "This is our friend Murray."

"Nice to meet you both," I say giving them a smile. Cassie just giggles.

"You're Daniel's Barista, aren't you?" Cassie asks. Barista, Love Slave- it's all the same to me.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Mom won't let me have coffee yet," Cassie says with a frown. "Which is totally lame as I used to drink something just like it back in..Toronto." She shoots Jack a smug look and Jack just shakes his head as he rolls his eyes. I know I missed an in-joke or something, but I can't help but smile myself.

"You and Dr. Frasier are from Toronto?" I ask taking a large drink from my water bottle. Gatorade has never tasted so good.

Cassie looks a little uncomfortable. "Janet adopted me last year. I grew up in Toronto." Obviously this isn't a topic Cassie is comfortable talking about. I give her a polite nod and tactfully change the subject.

"So what brings you guys out to Memorial Park?" I ask.

"Frisbee!" Cassie shouts holding up a rigid blue disc and throwing it clumsily at Jack. "Both me and T.. Murray have never played before."

"So what's the verdict? Frisbee a good game?" I ask eyes sparkling, absorbing Cassandra's enthusiasm through osmosis.

"Frisbee is an excellent amusement that exercises hand eye coordination." Murray replies solemnly. Whoa! This Murray guy is one serious honcho.

"We're also using this time to show Murray around the town a little," Daniel explains. "He only moved here last year as well."

"Have you taken them up to see the Garden of the Gods?" I ask. The Garden of the Gods is one of Colorado's Springs better known tourist haunts; it's also a pretty damn cool park.

"Here we go," Jack mutters beneath his breath. Cassie giggles again and I can see Daniel attempting to open his mouth in response when I hear Murray answer.

"I do not like the name of your park Kira Meyers."

"It's just a name Murray," I say straining my neck as I endeavor to look Murray in the eyes.

"This may be so, but the designation of your park is repugnant to me." Repugnant? Murray speaks funny. And who the hell gets all weirded out by just a name? Instantly I chastise myself, because apparently I do as well. There's a new condominium complex being built near my apartment. The name? Tribeca. And that name weirds me out big time. Because Tribeca sounds too much like Treblinka and I had lost family in that concentration camp.

"That's OK," I reply with complete sincerity. Murray must recognize my earnestness because he gives me a small nod with his head and what I think might be an attempt at a smile. Hard to say.

"So where's Captain Sam?" I ask looking around.

"Carter?" Jack says spinning the Frisbee on his fingertips as if it were a basketball. "She and Janet and all the other female officers of our base are off 'bonding' someplace near Aspen." I swear I could actually hear the quotation marks around the word bonding.

"O'Neill," Murray states in a tone that I have decided is indeed his true voice. "I am still unclear how bondage techniques will assist the female officers of the SGC?"

Oh my god. Is this guy for real? My jaw has suddenly become unhinged and I know I am standing before them with my mouth wide open.

"That's female bonding T, not bondage," Jack clarifies patiently, as if Murray's misunderstanding of English was a common occurrence-, which, as I subsequently learn, it is.

"Murray's first language wasn't English," Daniel explains looking slightly uncomfortable. I nod in acceptance. Bondage. I'm going to remember that one for later retelling.

"Bonding is what the girls.."

"Women, Jack." Daniel corrects.

"Bonding is what women do when they get together and talk about women stuff." Jack explains to Murray.

"Captain Carter is a formidable soldier O'Neill. Why must she gather with other females? Does she not discuss military strategies and ideas with us?"

"She does Murray," Daniel agrees, quickly jumping in before Jack can obviously say something unwittingly offensive.

"But Sam spends so much time with us that every now and then it's good for her to gather with other like-minded female officers."

Murray's brow creases slightly in thought. "But what do they discuss DanielJackson?" This guy has a thing for first/last name combos doesn't he?

"Us." Jack says simply.

"Ah come on Jack!" Daniel retorts, sounding a bit exasperated. "Isn't that a bit stereotypical?"

"Daniel trust me on this ok? I have three older sisters and have probably been around the block a few more times than you. Girls get together and discuss guys- that's just how it works."

Daniel opens his mouth in what I am sure is going to be another defensive comment, but all he says is, "You have sisters?"

"Yes, I have sisters." Now it's Jack's turn to sound exasperated. "Come on, my name is O'Neill for crying out loud. Have you ever heard of an only kid in a Catholic family?"

"You never told us you have sisters Jack."

"I also never told you that my favorite color is not green Daniel," Jack offers in return. Oh well THAT clears things up.

"I could have guessed that Jack," Daniel says with a smile.

"Indeed, you have made it clear on numerous occasions that you do not appreciate the color green." Murray added with another slight nod of his head.

I suddenly whip my head around and scan the opposite end of the park. Did someone just call my name? All I see are pockets of people doing normal park-like stuff. In the far distance is one of those god-awful horse and carriage contraptions rented out by tourists. I turn back around.

"Sorry, thought I heard my name."

"I, too heard your name being called KiraMeyers." Murray says with the same utmost seriousness.

"T has great hearing," Jack explains. Now it's my turn to raise an eyebrow. That's the second time Jack has referred to Murray as 'T'. I watch an almost comical non-verbal conversation between Jack and Daniel. It consists of shrugs and facial expressions. After a very long five seconds, Jack explains.

"It's a nickname I've given Murray over the years," Jack says. "Short for Mr. T." Jack looks at me like I should understand that; I stare at him incomprehensively.

"Oh for crying out loud, it wasn't that long ago!" Jack gripes. "Mr. T? As in the A-Team? Big black guy who liked to say 'I pity the fool' all the time?" Seeing no recognition on my face, Jack turns towards Daniel.

"Danny, you remember Mr. T, right?"

"Uh, actually Jack I don't." Jack lets out a very displeased sound. "But I have heard of the television show the A-Team." Daniel says quickly. "I just never watched it."

"I miss Carter," Jack whines, as he spins the Frisbee even more vigorously on his index finger. "She'd know what I mean."

"Sorry Jack, but I'm more of a Xena and Buffy girl myself." Any show where a girl gets to kick serious ass is a show I'd watch.

"You watch Buffy?" Cassie asks all excited.

"Absolutely!" I reply. "Buffy is my size and totally kicks ass! Plus that Angel guy is HOT!" I feel a little funny talking about another attractive guy when both Daniel and Colonel Jack are just a few feet away, but what the hell.

"Angel is a muffin isn't he?" Cassie says dreamily.

"Oh yeah!" I say pretending to fan myself. "And the fact that he's a vampire with a soul makes it so much more.. I don't know. Tragic." I laugh self-depreciatively. "That sounds silly, doesn't it?"

"Nahhh," Cassie says shaking her head. "So," Cassie says her eyes flicking briefly towards Jack and Daniel. "Do you believe in vampires?"

"I think so," I say nodding. "Most myths are based in fact, so i bet there is something vampire-like out there."

"What about aliens?" Cassie asks casually.

"I definitely believe in those." I say emphatically. "There is no way we're alone in the universe. I'll betcha we have some sort of planetary 'Do Not Disturb' sign posted on the outskirts of our solar system.

"I wish," Jack mumbles.

Cassie grins and I can't help but continue. Little did the young lady know that I could really get going with space talk. Not that i'm a fanatic or anything, I just sincerely believe we aren't alone out there.

"I believe, a long time ago, aliens paid us a visit, deemed us too immature and warlike and decided to leave us alone for another couple millennia. I mean it makes sense, look at..."

I never get to complete my sentence, for suddenly I find myself face down on the cold damp ground with 170 pounds of lean Daniel Jackson on top of me.

Absently I wonder if I am dreaming. Daniel is still slightly sweaty from his frisbee pick-up game and he smells faintly of after-shave and something else I couldn't place. Essence of Daniel perhaps? Whatever it is, I seem to find it quite nice. Actually a little too nice if you know what I mean.

I quickly squelch that line of thinking and focus on the problem at hand. Why the hell was I thrown to the ground? I mean finding oneself pinned beneath the always delectable Daniel Jackson is great for a gal's libido, but seriously, I don't think this was something Daniel had planned on doing; which begs of course the question why.

Only a few seconds have passed and I can still feel Daniel's heart racing wildly against my back. He is breathing shallowly through his mouth and it is tickling the stray hairs on the back of my neck. Not an altogether unpleasant sensation but his reaction here is freaking me out. Whatever caused him to knock me down must have scared the hell out of him! I can't think of any other reason why his heart rate should be so high.

"Uh Daniel?" I ask in a muffled voice, as I awkwardly turn my head to one side to get a better view of the world around me. I mean, who knows? Perhaps Daniel knocked me down to prevent me from getting beamed by a stray baseball or something.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Murray (Mr.T!) standing ramrod straight scanning the area behind us. His arms are positioned in such a way that it appears as if he is holding something. There isn't anything there though.

"It is clear O'Neill," Murray announces with stoic seriousness. I hear Cassie let loose a shuddering breath and realize she is almost completely covered by Colonel Jack's body. For whatever reason Daniel saw fit to throw me to the ground, Jack had decided to envelop Cassie in his arms so that the smaller teenager nearly disappeared in his embrace. His chin rested protectively against the top of her head and she was pulled tightly against his chest. Both were crouched low to the ground.

Jack looks up from his protective position and eyes the horizon with concern. Suddenly his face breaks out into a wry grin.

"At least our reflexes are good," Jack jokes, as he helps Cassie to her feet. The young woman is obviously very shaken by the turn of events and suddenly bursts into tears.

"Shhh, Cass." Jack pulls Cassandra into his arms again and begins rubbing her back. "We just over-reacted, it's nothing." Cassie says something I can't hear and Jack takes the opportunity to lead her several feet away from Daniel, Murray and me.

"Are you ok?" Daniel asks as he helps me to my feet.

"I'll live," I reply brushing patches of damp dirt from my running attire.

"I'm really sorry about that Kira," Daniel says apologetically. "And you deserve an explanation." I nod. You bet your sweet bootee I do.

Daniel looks pained. "And I really want to tell you but..." Suddenly his face brightens up considerably. "And I really want to tell you why."

"No you don't Daniel," Jack growls coming back hand in hand with a much calmer Cassandra Frasier.

"Yes I do Jack," Daniel says meeting Jack's steely gaze.

"Daniel," Jack warms in a dangerously low voice. The kind of voice my mom uses only before the grounding begins.

"Ja-ck." Daniel is definitely holding his own in this non-conversation.

"No Daniel," Jack orders, in what I remember to be his Colonel Voice.

"Don't you think Kira deserves to know why she was thrown to the ground Jack?"

"Probably," Jack concedes. "But you," he continues pointing a finger at Daniel, "are not the person to tell her."

I suddenly find myself in the middle of a ping-pong match.

"Uh guys, it's ok. Really." I hold up my hands in the universal peace position.

"I'm going to tell her Jack," Daniel states matter of factly.

"No, you're not Daniel," Jack replies adamantly in return.

Before the arguing could get much further I hear my name being called; clearly this time.

"Kira!" Stefan says running towards me.

"Hey Stefan." I turn to face my red-faced friend. Stefan isn't one for exercise.

"Are you all right?" He asks worriedly eyeing Murray with obvious apprehension.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I saw you get tackled by Professor Yummy here." Out of the corner of my eye I see Daniel blush and hear Jack chuckle. Stefan leans conspiraously towards me and whispers in my ear, "Is he as hard as he looks?"

"Stefan!" I shout, taking a step away from him and turning red myself.

"I'm just saying the guy looks like he must work out," Stefan adds innocently giving Daniel the once-over. Daniel squirms under his gaze.

"Why are you here Stefan?" I say finally.

"I'm doing the tourist thing with my new boyfriend," he points to a hunky looking Asian man in a nearby horse drawn carriage. "And have been trying to get your attention for the last half hour! You didn't hear me the first time because of those damned head phones but I called your name again not 15 minutes ago and you again ignored me!" Stefan doesn't like to be ignored as if you hadn't figured that out already.

"So finally I just said to hell with Mr. Nice Guy and shouted your name at the top of my lungs. The next thing I know you're down on the ground covered by Dr. Do Me."

I hear Daniel coughing uncontrollably at my side. Again Stefan leans closer in and whispers into my ear, "that's my fantasy Kira." Stefan gives Daniel one last look before straightening back up.

"Anyhow, I need to skedaddle, I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine Stefan." I reply giving him a shove into the direction of his awaiting boyfriend. "Your carriage awaits!" Stefan gives a little hand wave and trots back towards his boy of the moment.

"Sorry about that," I apologize turning towards the still red-faced Daniel.

"Your name is Kree?" Jack asks with a mixture of incredulousness and disdain. "As in rhymes with brie- Kree?"

"Yea-aaah," I say slowly nodding. "It's a nickname." Jack continues to stare at me in utter disbelief. What's the big deal?

"Kree," Jack repeats again in a resigned voice as he slowly shakes his head. "Daniel, out of the hundreds of baristas in the Colorado Springs area, you just happen to find the one girl in town who just happens to have a nickname of Kree?!" Jack makes a tutting sound. "Only you Daniel."

"Ok, now I do want an explanation," I announce loudly finding my backbone. Screw their secretive military crap- this is just too odd not to find out why.

Before Jack can voice his dissent, Daniel blurts out, "conditioning."


"Conditioning," Daniel repeats nodding as he meets Jack's eye. Jack gives a resigned shrug and motions Daniel to continue.

"What I am about to tell you is not to be taken lightly Kira, and all of us would appreciate it if you don't share this with others." Daniel says this with total seriousness.

"Of course."

"The military is experimenting with language conditioning and the reactions it can provoke in soldiers. As you know in addition to being an Archaeologist and Anthropologist, I am also a bit of a Linguist." I nod.

"As you are probably aware, every country has different words that are used to convey 'stop', 'attack', 'retreat' and so forth. I have helped develop a language that can be widely understood by ALL militaries across the planet."

I swear I hear Jack mumble, "That's good Danny."

"Anyhow," Daniel continues shooting Jack an enigmatic look. "In this new language, 'Kree' conveys the meaning of 'enemy attacking' or 'danger, watch out'. When Murray, Jack and I heard your nickname being shouted so fiercely across the park, we instantly reacted as we were trained."

I ponder Daniel's explanation for several moments. It basically makes sense, but I still get the feeling Daniel isn't telling me the whole story here. But then again, he seldom does. And obviously isn't supposed too.

"I'll buy that," I say finally. "But I still request reparation for being so unceremoniously thrown to the ground." I decide not to mention that I actually wasn't complaining about that part.

"Name it," Daniel says earnestly.

"Breakfast," I say with a wide smile.

"IHOP!" Cassie screams. Seriously. The girl screamed the word IHOP.

"I too would enjoy a 'Full Stack' at The International House of Pancakes," Murray says.

"IHOP it is," Jack agrees with a flourish as he waves his hand in the direction of the nearest park exit.

"You sure you don't want to try something new Murray?" Daniel asks.

"I am curious about this 'Pigs in a blanket' food item," Murray remarks.

"This should be interesting," Jack mutters under his breath.

I just grin. Breakfast with Daniel and Colonel Jack. I should train for 10ks more often.

More Authors' Notes: Believe it or not, there really is a Memorial Park in Colorado Springs. But that of course isn't the funny part; there is also a Garden of the Gods. As soon as I found that out, I knew exactly what I needed to do. Please let me know if you enjoyed this little ditty. I worked long and hard at trying to make it as funny as possible without going too over the top.

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