Title: Barista 35 -- Professor Yummy & Colonel Sumptuous
Season: Season 4
Related Epsiode: 0408- The First Ones
Category Humor, slight Hurt/Comfort
Rating: PG-13 for potty-mouth language/imagery

Author's Notes: This week marks the two-year anniversary of The Barista. Two years! If anyone had told me my little attempt at "branching out" would lead to this, I would have said they were nuts! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and enjoyed my stories. It is your feedback and encouragement that truly keeps this series alive. Thirty-five chapters' worth alive! Thank you!

As you might be able to guess from the title {snicker}, this Barista is written from Stefan's point of view. Enjoy!

Mornings bite.

I really don't know how Kree does it. Sure, the tips are a bit better at this god-forsaken hour, but the lack of a full eight hours of sleep has left me feeling grumpy and lethargic. I catch sight of myself in one of the shop's mirrors and grimace - I really should have used more moisturizer.

I just need to remind myself that by working today, I'll be getting all of Labor Day weekend off. I can't help the cat-got-the-cream smile the creeps across my face. September 2nd, 3rd and 4th free! Wait until Chris finds out.

My ever so pleasant musings are cut short as the door opens and I instantly put on my quasi-professional face. Sure, I'm an attractive Gay man in his twenties -- but not everyone appreciates my charm. I've found it's best to appear boringly professional first, before one turns to flirting.

Ah! But flirt I shall! Because who should walk through my golden gates? Professor Yummy himself, Dr. Daniel Jackson. Kira absolutely hates when I call him that, but come on! Those lips, that ass, the man will always be Professor Yummy to me.

"Good morning Dr. Jackson," I say solicitously. No need to scare the poor man so early in the morning. I know I make him nervous, and that of course only adds to my fun. Sure, the guy can run rings around my brain, but one little look from me, and his voice gets all squeaky and he tries to run away.

Heh. I'm evil.

"Er..hi Stefan," Daniel replies nervously as he looks hopefully around the room for Kira. Sorry, Doc - all you get today is me. I really do resist licking my lips.

"Kira's not here," I explain giving Daniel one of my best smiles. I take a moment to study him (because I can, or course), and my smile slips a little. Daniel doesn't look so hot. Correction - Daniel doesn't look well. "Daniel, you okay?" Besides this nasty looking cut across his face, the poor guy has that slightly gaunt supermodel look about his face. Dehydration?

"I'm fine ," he replies refusing to meet my gaze. Fine, my ass! Honey, you so shouldn't go into politics. You can't lie to save the planet!

"You know," I say conversationally as I pull two shots of espresso for Daniel's Americano. "Kira has a phone number taped to her locker in the backroom." Daniel wrinkles his bruised brow as he tries to decipher that comment.

"Should you be looking in Kira's locker?" he asks. I shake my head. That's so beside the point here.

"The locker isn't important Dr. Jackson," I explain, as I add hot water to his drink. "The point is that everyone who works here knows about that number."

"Whose number is it?"

"One Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF." I look at Daniel expectantly and the poor guy drops his head in embarrassment and sighs.

"It seems," I continue as I begin to hand Daniel his drink. Daniel absently reaches for it and suddenly I pull it back. No. This is not the right drink for the dear doctor - not today, anyhow. I'm going to make him something special. In a flash of inspiration, I pull it completely away from Daniel, and dump the contents down the sink drain. I have a much better idea for you my injured lamb.

"It seems," I begin again as I pull not one nor two but three shots of espresso. "That Kira has had to deal with an altered or injured Dr. Jackson on more than one occasion."

"It's only been once or twice," Daniel replies petulantly. I refrain from telling him how damn cute he looks when he pouts.

"I believe it's up to four times, Dr. Jackson." I correct, as I pour the three shots into a tall cup and add a splash of almond flavoring.

"She's only had to call Jack twice," he sulks. Have I mentioned how cute he looks when he pouts?

"That you know of," I add. I put the cup aside and take out a pitcher of chocolate milk.

"Anyhow, Kira was worried that you might show up one day and need some help when she wasn't here."

"I can look after myself you know." Juding by the clipped tones, Daniel is starting to get a little pissed off. Maybe it's best to lighten up a bit.

"She knows that Daniel," I say kindly as I turn on the steamer for a good thirty seconds. The machine dies down and I continue.

"She was just worried about you," I repeat. "And she wanted all of us "regulars" at the shop to keep an eye out for you. If things ever got really bad, we were to call Colonel Sum.. Colonel O'Neill." Oops. Now that would have been embarrassing.

"Kira just wanted everyone to know where that number in case we ever needed it."

I quickly wipe down the steamer wand and pour the chocolaty goodness into the cup with the three espresso shots and almond flavoring. The entire concoction smells heavenly, but it isn't quite right. I sniff at it once more and decide to add just a splash of macadamia nut flavoring as well. I top it off with a dollop of whipped cream and slide it over to Daniel.

"Drink," I order.

"What is this?" Daniel asks wrinkling his nose in distaste.

"Triple tall macadamia almond mocha," I reply.

"I can't drink this!" Daniel laughs, sliding the drink back my way.

"Oh, I bet you can," I answer sliding the cup back towards him.

"Oh no, I can't." He repeats, sliding the cup back at me. I'm about to slide it back at him again (who knows how long we would have kept that up) when the door opens.

"Daniel, you said you'd just be a min.."

"Well hello there!" Standing in front of me is the good Colonel himself. I quickly slide the cup back to Daniel and move away from the counter. "Can I get you a drink?" I resist sighing a happy little sigh as I take in the picture of one casual-looking Colonel striding into my shop. Does he have any idea how good he looks in khakis?

"Stefan," Jack says warily as he looks around the room for Kira. What is it with these two and wary looks?! I don't take it personally that they prefer Kira. After all, the girl is prettier than me.

Although not by much.

"Daniel, are you all right?" Jack asks, as moves closer towards his friend. Daniel holds up an arm to wave Jack away. I can't help but notice the bruising and red welts along his wrist. Daniel! Don't you know you are supposed to use padded handcuffs when you play?

Instantly, I chide myself for thinking such a thing. Obviously, Daniel had a rough weekend, and I don't mean the fun kind.

"I'm fine Jack," he says impatiently. "Stefan and I were just having a difference of opinion on my coffee drink selection."

"What's the problem?" Jack asks casually. He walks over to the counter and sniffs at Daniel's drink.

"Whoa!" Jack takes an exagerated step backwards. "I'm not sure Janet would approve of that much caffeine and chocolate." Little did Jack know, apparently those were exactly the wrong words to say to one hen-pecked archaeologist.

"This will be perfect Stefan, thank you." With that he picks up the drink and takes a long sip. I think he was prepared for something foul-tasting. I watch smuggly as his face lights up in enjoyment and surprised.

"This is really good!" Ha! Knew you'd like it.

"Glad you like it Daniel. Can we go now?" Jack impatiently peels off the Velcro surrounding his watch and checks the time. Velcro on watches? Military guys are so weird.

Hot, but weird.

"Really, Jack!" Daniel continues, taking another gulp of the mocha. "This is really good!" Jack can't help but smile slightly at the look on his friend's face.

"I'm glad you are enjoying your drink Daniel," Jack says, "but we need to be getting back to the mountain. Janet will kill me if I don't have you back on time."

"She wouldn't kill you Jack," Daniel begins.

"I promised I'd have you back by 0700," Jack reminds him.

"Which I found ridiculous," Daniel adds. "I am perfectly able to take care of myself Jack."

"Ha!" Jack retorts in disbelief. "You really need to wait a few days before you can try that defense, Daniel."

"I kept myself alive!" Daniel fires back angrily.

"Barely!" Jack yells back.

"Um, guys?" I now completely understand what Kree is talking about when she refers to the "Jack and Daniel show". These two are really in a class of their own.

"Sorry," Daniel says contritely. "Thanks for the coffee Stefan, it really was what I needed this morning."

"Thought so," I reply smiling. "You should always listen to your barista, Dr. Jackson."

"And your Commanding Officer," Jack adds as he accepts a cup of drip coffee from me.

"Give it a rest, Jack," Daniel says tiredly as he pays for both of their drinks, and leaves me a healthy tip.

"Tell Kira we said hi," Jack says as he lightly steers his friend towards the front door. For all of Daniel's bravado, it's obvious that he isn't quite firing on all four cylinders right now.

"I will," I call back. I watch the retreating figures of Colonel Sumptuous and Professor Yummy and let out an audible sigh.

It just isn't fair that they're straight.

More Author's Notes: *EG* Hope you enjoyed that one. I had a lot of fun writing from Stefan's view point and hope it wasn't too over the top. Then again, this is Stefan we're talking about!

Completed December 13, 2004